Colleen (left) and Ann Chiam (right) exercise together. Colleen says they are close enough to know each other’s ailments: “We talk about everything.”
3 ways you can support someone in pain emotionally
Chronic pain can often be hard to empathise with. Here are three ways you can make someone else feel understood.
Just listen
Sometimes, chronic pain sufferers may just want someone to listen to them, says Dr Yang, clinical lead for pain psychology at TTSH.
There may be an urge to help sufferers resolve their pain, but that may be counterproductive.
Patients have told Dr Yang that “the more my spouse tries to fix a problem, the worse I feel.”
It’s important to verbalize your partnership too — validating sufferers’ pain, acknowledging that you may not understand but you will be there if the sufferer needs them.
Be part of the patient’s recovery
Accompany the sufferer to clinic sessions, and support the sufferer through the process of getting help, which can be long and arduous.
Support the sufferer in their decisions as well.
“If the patient says they want to travel, and the doctor says it’s fine, then the family member should not say things like ‘no I think you better stay’,” Dr Yang says.
“Instead, say: ‘Let’s work this out’, or ‘Let’s work with your health professional and see what is a good plan and work with that.’”
Offer to help
Depending on how someone feels about their pain, offer to help with something that they feel they cannot do on their own.
Don’t take away everything, however. “That can make the patient feel that ‘I’m useless’,” Dr Yang says.
Some patients may feel worse if mistakes are made, because they’ll have to sort it out, while others would just want others to take over everything, she adds.
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